Never Lose. You win, or you learn.

I knew after my first sprint I wanted to do an Olympic before 70.3 world's. I was in search of a USAT sanctioned event so that I could also qualify for nationals next year. I did qualify this year but had no desire to travel to Nebraska before traveling to Chattanooga. I had found 2 races in Wisconsin that would have been driving distance with good timing, but neither of them were USAT. My coach mentioned Holiday Man which is USAT but much sooner than I would have liked. We decided that would be the best race for me to do. I have been continuing my workouts as planned for 70.3. I felt ready to finish this Oly and set some strong goals/expectations for myself. Holiday man is in Somonauk, IL which was about an hour drive for us. I was thrilled that I would be able to drive up race morning, but a little leary as I wasn't planning on going the day before to check out the course like I normally do. I heard it was a super flat bike and I assumed the run would be too. The Facebook group does a great job with updates so I figured I'd be good to go. The night before was wonderful! Matt rocked Cade while I got everything ready and the car packed up. Cade went to sleep by 8:30 and then didn't wake up until I woke him at 3:45am to nurse before we left. It was glorious! After nursing I was worried that he would get fussy before we put him in his car seat, but he was an angel. He hung out quietly in his bouncer while we finished up, went nicely into the car seat and quickly fell asleep into the drive. Thank you, Cade! I was late to the party when it came to registering because it was a last minute decision. They had a "premier parking" option that was sold out once I registered. This parking is directly next to transition- as in, it is in the same parking lot. I had decided to take a chance and FB message the race director the night before asking if there would be any availability left so I could pump ASAP after the race in my car. Not to mention, it would be much easier for Matt with Cade rather than parking just over a mile away from everything. He responded that night and told me to bring the $20 and a black coffee for the parking attendant. Done! Thank goodness!!! That made our lives so much easier. With the remainder of the time in the car I pumped what I could because at that time we weren't 100% positive we'd get in the premier parking so I wasn't sure when the next opportunity would be. Holiday Man was super accommodating and it was a very organized race. Once we parked Matt was able to sleep in the car while I got situated and I had the ability to go back and forth as needed. I checked in and heard the volunteers saying it was open racking so I made sure to get my bike quick and find my location. The racks right next to the bike out and in were already pretty full. I don't like going in the middle unless I have an outside spot so it is easy to see your bike (I usually get lost otherwise) and those were all full too. The very first rack by swim in/run out was open and I got a spot closest to the fence so I considered that pretty golden for what was left. As soon as I put my bike on the rack one of my coach's friends (and stellar triathletes) came up behind me and placed her bike on the same rack. She is fast so I knew if she was picking this location too I made a good choice. I did a small warm up after being in the car. Then Matt and Cade came with me as I got my wetsuit on to get started.

I was nervous. I wanted to do well but also felt unsure of myself. I usually am unsure of myself and doubt my abilities which I need to work on, but after this whole baby thing I think the doubts are amplified. I kissed Matt goodbye as he said good luck and his "you got this, I believe in you". As I headed towards the water I knew this race wasn't going to be super competitive within my age group so I would be focused on the over all women. My coach's stellar triathlete friend was definitely going to be at the top so I had to worry about who else would be my competition. I was chatting it up with her and realized our women wave was going to go off soon and I was front and center with her, which is not where I like to be. I'm an OK swimmer but I respect that there are typically swimmers better than me so I moved to the left front towards the first buoy in hopes I wouldn't get clobbered by people to my right heading in that direction. The whistle blew and we were off.

Swim Goal: 25 minutes or less

As I started I got out strong and felt good. Matt told me later I had a strong start and should have started in the middle where I was chatting. The chat actual lead to her saying she usually swims between 20 and 22. Right before that I considered staying by her to try and swim off her feet but once she said those times I was like, see you later, ha. So I got out strong and felt like this was the first swim that I felt I knew where I was in relation to others. I was pretty certain there were 3 that got away quick and were ahead and there was one that stayed pretty close to me but I felt like she stayed wide on her line so I stayed true to my own sighting. As I was starting the 2nd loop we started catching some men... that was unpleasant but good practice with the congestion. I felt like I was decently consistent throughout except for one moment my mind started to drift to... I don't even know what, and I had to literally tell myself to focus. I got out and lapped my watch without even looking at my time. Matt and Cade were there to greet me and cheer me on.

My actual swim time was 24:45, so goal #1 complete.

T1- ugh. Slow slow slow. I don't know what I do in there but I'm just not smooth. As I exited transition there was a woman mounting her bike and I assumed she was the woman that stayed with me on the swim. I assumed if I was right with my guess of swimmers in front of me I was maybe 5th at best.

Bike Goal: less than 1:20, so averaging 19s, but I really wanted to average 20 on this flat course.

The woman took off but I kept her in my sight. I felt like she was slowing down and I would catch her if I remained patient. We played cat and mouse at the beginning. At one point I told her we'd probably do this all day but it would just make us faster. She smiled and agreed. We came to the one and only nasty incline on the course. I was able to power through and recover quickly. That is where I gained ground. At each turn I would look to see where she was and I didn't see her for the rest of the bike. My helmet was giving me such a headache from the start of the bike that I couldn't wait to be off the bike just so I could take it off. I couldn't stop messing with it but nothing helped. It really was a flat flat course. Sometimes I think flat courses can be more challenging because you are forced to stay honest with your cadence and power and keep it consistent throughout. I was able to do that and my IF (intensity factor ) was .91, right where I should be for this Olympic.

Came in at 1:14 :43 averaging 20.4- score!

T2- I came in with a local racer who I had met when I raced in Panama, but hadn't seen since. It was nice seeing a familiar face. I finally got my helmet off and felt instant relief, grabbed my gear for the run and took off.

Run Goal: average 7:20- 7:45 per mile... silly Stephanie.... silly....

As soon as I started to run I wanted to calm myself and settle in. Once I did that it felt difficult to turn it on again. As soon as I started feeling a bit nervous for my legs and this run, I was smacked by an uphill. Then another. Then a downhill I quickly realized I'd have to go up twice. What. The. Heck. I thought this was a flat course. Thankfully, I have been incorporating hilly runs, however, I am still building my base here. Let's get real: on this race day was 15 weeks postpartum. That does not mean I have been training for 15 weeks. Matt had to point out to me that means I started recovering and moving about 11 weeks ago. Now I'm not saying this to make people think oh wow, incredible- I am honestly saying it to remind myself to give myself a break. (I really was torn up about this race- you'll see why later- so I'm trying to be rational here). So my run training has not been focused on speed - which it shouldn't be up until this point as we have a bigger picture to prepare for. But of course I was greedy thinking I got this. Well as the run progressed, I realized that I haven't practiced pain and discomfort in my runs and I couldn't find it in myself to try right then and there. I was again unsure of my ability and stayed in my comfort zone. I tried to tell myself that this Olympic isn't my "A" race and that even my "A" race won't be a PR day (and definitely not a placing day with the elite of elite out there). So I was battling with myself the whole run and trying to stay true to the "bigger picture" but couldn't help but wonder if I was just mentally weak. Around mile 2 was where my bike friend passed me. I told her to have a good race because I already felt like my legs would not let me go faster. I truly believe I did not over ride the bike which is something that usually is a good indicator for a tough run. But I really believe it came down to where I am at in my run training since giving birth. I kept moving and came to the turn around. Matt confirmed that my bike friend was 3rd place. A podium spot. I had already defeated myself and felt I didn't have the fire to push harder--- mentally weak... I kept moving because I didn't want to lose my 4th place. I have made a trend to be 6th lately, and I continue my trend of missing the podium... I was 6th in my age group at Panama and at Steelhead (5th place podiums at Ironman events) and then I was 6th OA at my first sprint tri back. So I broke the 6th place curse but keep the 1 place podium spot curse alive... after talking with my coach, I am giving away my place. If I want it enough I can have it, but I take myself out of the running. I do need to get more hungry, BUT for now I can't get too beat up because I am 15 weeks postpartum, so this is the time to get over it and continue to work on it.

So I ended 4th OA, 1st AG (earning my nationals qualification for next year- see you in Ohio :)

My run average was 8:02. So not horrible of course, but I should have realized my run fitness wouldn't allow the aggressive pace I was hoping. Want to know the worst part? 3rd beat me by 1:12. Remember how I suck at transitions... well her transitions totaled 1:11 faster then mine. Uh huh. Swallow that. So as I said to my coach. It's time to stop thinking about what ifs, and start thinking about what nows.

There's a saying: "I never lose. I either win or I learn". Well what did I learn: yup, transitions are important and they NEED to be a priority of mine. I also learned I need to toughen the f*ck up--- yes I am currently reading The Brave Athlete: calm the f*ck down and rise to the occasion. So fingers crossed that helps. I also learned that as much as I want to wow myself at world's I need to be realistic and remember why I am doing it: to finish and for the experience of being at the world championship of 70.3. My run will need to be a lot more conservative of a goal pace because I am training post baby. But these more conservative paces are something to still be so darn proud of so quickly. Even if it isn't my ideal state.

I do believe I am exactly where I should be in my training. I am excited to continue to see improvement and so happy that I am able to recover so well after these tougher days and with such little sleep. Our bodies are amazing and you can't take that for granted. I need to continue to respect the process.

Next race: world's 70.3, Chattanooga TN, September 9th. About 1 month to go. This race will be a tough course, and I won't be expecting to place, but I will be expecting to finish with my head held high.