The good, the bad and the ugly truth of the 1st 2 weeks with a newborn
This blog will discuss my placenta encapsulation, the experience of the first 2 weeks with a newborn and breastfeeding. Warning: this is a lengthy blog.
Disclaimer-Everyone is different and has different experiences. If I say something about my experience, it doesn’t mean that is exactly what will happen for you. I am writing this from the perspective of the not so great experience because it seems a lot of people I have talked to have had similar experiences and I think it is important to highlight multiple perspectives and not just the "blissful" time some may have. I think it is important for others to be able to have something to relate to if it doesn't happen
Placenta Encapsulation
I knew that emotions get a little wild post-partum. I can be an emotional person, so I wanted to be proactive and realistic about how I could react after having the baby. I had been listening to many podcasts while I was pregnant and one of which was about postpartum depression and a woman’s hormones. Within the podcast they discussed placenta encapsulation and how the placenta is a powerhouse for our hormones. Our body just created this amazing organ that nourished our babies while they grew and helped to keep everything healthy. Once the placenta is taken out of the woman, there is a huge drop in hormones, especially progesterone. The drop in this hormone is necessary to help the body know it has to produce the milk for the baby and prevent the woman from getting pregnant again because the woman’s primary job is to take care of that baby as the baby is completely reliant on her. However, this huge drop in this hormone also causes huge emotional swings for a woman.
The theory behind the placenta encapsulation is that you essentially preserve the nutrients/hormones from the placenta and ingest them daily so that the drop in hormone levels isn’t as much of a shock to the body. Therefore, the placenta will hopefully help with mood as well as energy levels. After listening to this podcast, I knew I wanted to look into it more, but I didn’t know where to start. While I was on my sister’s bachelorette weekend, one of her friends was also pregnant and we got to talking. Ironically, she too was going to do this placenta encapsulation and found a company out of Chicago. I was so excited to meet someone who was on the same page as me (many people think I am nuts for doing it) and I was able to get some information from her. She had her baby before me and said she was very happy with her results, which made me feel more positive about doing it. Even if this was a placebo effect, to me that would mean it was still a success.
I went to my doctor and asked if there would be anything I would need to do to make sure the hospital would allow me to take my placenta home. As long as the placenta, my baby and I was healthy with no birth complications, there wouldn’t be any problem with me taking it as it was my organ. If there were any abnormalities, then the hospital would have to keep it for testing. Once I expressed my want to keep the placenta, my doctor actually gave me a name of a local woman that her friend used. I contacted this woman and found out she lived in my subdivision! I felt like it was meant to be.
As I wrote in my previous blog, Cade came a week early and I was planning on using that last week to finish up anything- one of which was filling out the paper work for the encapsulation and providing my deposit. I had to email the woman and drop off our information on the way to the hospital. She was so wonderful and accommodating, the short notice worked out fine.
Once I got to the hospital I made it clear to the nurses that I wanted to keep my placenta. They were a little thrown off and many asked why. I explained it to them and they seemed intrigued and understanding, not too judgey. The problem was we were there during a shift change, so the previous nurses did not relay that information. Thankfully, after Cade was born, Matt realized they weren’t putting the placenta in the “Tupperware” like they said they would and he had to tell them we were keeping that placenta. Thank goodness I have a responsible husband that does listen to what I want because if he hadn’t said anything, I would have been so upset.
After everything calmed down after the birth and we switched rooms, Matt took my placenta back to our house to put it in the refrigerator. Thankfully we live about 10 minutes from the hospital, so it was no big deal for him to do that.
The next day, the woman who does the encapsulation came to our house, sterilized the kitchen and started her work. She took the placenta out, cut it up and put it in a dehydrator to dry out for the next day. The second day, she came back and ground it up in a blender, then put them into capsules. By this time, we were home from the hospital so she came in to chat with me about the dosage and I was able to ask her other questions about breastfeeding as well as she used to be a lactation consultant too. It was so nice having such a great resource and knowing she is right down the street.
She made artwork with the placenta before dehydrating it and it has been a really fun conversation starter with people who have come over recently ;) I was able to get 87 pills out of it. My placenta was a bit smaller than others, as some can get over 100 pills.
So I took 2 pills 3 times a day for the first 4 days. Then 2 pills 2 times a day for 10 days and now I am taking 2 pills once a day. They don't taste like anything and you don't burp up anything like you might with other supplements. It's really not bad at all.
So…. Did it/does it work!?
I do believe it has helped. Have I been 100% crazy lady free?! Nope. But that’s OK. I had only a couple episodes of uncontrollable emotions. While I was in the hospital (pre getting my pills) I had gotten this kind of panicky feeling at one point. Cade was sleeping and Matt was sleeping in the recliner next to me. I had to wake up Matt and ask him to come lay with me because I was scared and I didn’t know why. I had a sense of anxiety. Once I had gotten home, Matt was watching Cade and I told him I wanted to take a nap. So I went into the bedroom and cried. I had so many different feelings all at once- I was so happy to have this new baby, I was so scared to have this new baby, and I was sad for reasons I didn’t know- maybe feeling stuck and not like myself? I cried myself to sleep. Then, I woke up with that same panic feeling I had in the hospital. My brother had just gotten to our house so I had to call Matt in to the bedroom because I was a little embarrassed. He came in and had concern on his face as soon as he saw me crying uncontrollably. He of course has been the biggest, best supporter and told me it was OK and I could keep crying if I needed and my brother would understand too. I went out to see my brother and continued to cry and laugh at the same time as I explained to him I just couldn’t control it.
After that day, I do feel like the pills started to keep me calmer and more emotionally in check. There were plenty of times that I was still unhappy and couldn’t stop crying, but most of the time my crying was because of the pain of breastfeeding, or the anticipation of the pain the breastfeeding session was about to bring, and feeling stuck with no control over anything. I was frustrated. My days were filled with staring at a clock wondering at what point Cade would wake up, or watching the minutes pass while nursing to know that my baby has been fed enough. At this point in his life, there is a lot of work to be done with very little reward. Don’t get me wrong, I am in LOVE with my baby. I do love cuddling him and just looking at him, but that’s it at this point. He can’t even smile at me to let me know he loves us back or is happy to be close to us. I said to Matt just the other day, “When will this kid start to actually smile, because I need some of that in my life”. I looked it up—somewhere between 1 ½ to 3 months…
This is the closest to a smile I have gotten and he was asleep. The best are when he is milk drunk and his mouth is hanging open and just curls up into a big smile once in a while.
So even with the placenta pills I have had just a couple random crying episodes. All the other times I was upset was due to the frustration and pain of breastfeeding. This is a super hard adjustment for anyone. But I have to say that it has gotten less and less often. Matt has been my rock through it all and he constantly is reminding me that I am doing a good job and that he is proud of me- which is what I need. In life I tend to doubt myself in general, and my husband of 5 years, partner in crime for 10, knows that of me. He lets me feel the way I feel and assures me that it is OK to feel that way and that I can express it however I need to express it. And I am so grateful for him.
So let’s get into the first 2/3 weeks of baby
The first 2 weeks are really, really, really, really hard. If someone tells you otherwise, they are lying, or they are magic and should write a book to help us all out. People need to be more real about it to help prepare just a little bit.
As I mentioned previously- the emotions can be rough. You have doubts in your mind and you think when will this ever get better?!
Not only do you have to learn how to take care of this human, but your body is also still a bit of a disaster after what it just went through. Your body just did an incredible, amazing thing that you now have to recover from. Do you know the best way to recover and heal--- SLEEP… guess what you are NOT getting… yup, one of the things you need most. My lady bits were super uncomfortable for the first 2 weeks and still not feeling good. Sitting is not comfortable, and guess what- you have to do a lot of that while your baby nurses for hours on end… I had “superficial” tearing they said (which is good because it wasn’t a deep grade 2 or 3 tear) but I still had to get stitched up. The crazy part is that once you leave the hospital feeling strange and unsure of what your body is doing and how it is recovering, the doctor’s say, Ok- we would like to see your baby in 2 days, and you mama…. Well you’ll be fine come back in 6 weeks. WHAT?! I have to go 6 weeks without knowing if I am healing properly and if things are “normal”? You bleed for a long time. I am fortunate that my bleeding became very minimal once we left the hospital but uh… where is this bleeding coming from even? Is it internal, is it external from the tearing? What is going on?
Now your vagina is part of your pelvic floor which is part of your “core” that we all reference when we want our 6 pack abs. Well, this core we have is our center of gravity, it is our strength and stability, it is vital. People don’t realize that the pelvic floor is just as important to that core as the rock hard abs we want to see. When you stand, your pelvic floor should be working as well and so just simple standing is difficult and creates this sore, uncomfortable feeling like there is something lodged up there (it is really weird and the best way I can describe it…maybe because of the swelling?). Going to sit down I have to be cautious as well. Once it starts to heal- it gets itchy… more discomfort. I kept telling Matt that if I could physically feel better down there, I think I would have a completely different outlook on this transition. Being uncomfortable while learning how to nurse does not help anyone. I want to go for walks (and we have) but I am usually very sore in the pelvic floor area and haven’t done much walking lately. Being physically active is a part of me and not being able to move and feel like “me” has made this that much more difficult.
One thing I would suggest is to continue taking stool softener after you leave the hospital. My nurses gave me stool softeners while I was there and it makes a big difference with that first intimidating experience because after pushing a baby out, pushing in that general direction is the last thing you want to do.
Matthew has been wonderful. He is always trying to help me out, doing the dishes, cleaning up, changing diapers. There have been a couple times that he takes Cade and I have a bit more freedom to help me feel more normal. We had ordered pizza and he said he was going to pick it up. I told him that I wanted to be the one to do it. I just wanted to get out of the house without the baby so that I had a little bit of freedom. Matt looked at me and said OK, but then jokingly added, “come back... Tonight.” Cade may have some colic- we aren’t sure- and he was doing his typical crying in the morning, so Matt put him in the car seat and went to get coffee. He asked if I wanted to come and I told him nope, absolutely not, and that I wanted to clean up the house a bit without thinking of the baby. So he texted me while he was out and said he was going to do a little extra driving- YES!
The last 2 weeks went by so fast. Each day flew by. I would dread the nights as Cade doesn’t sleep well at night and he will fuss after feeding until the next feeding. He has gotten better, but that first night of crying all you can think is, “What am I doing wrong? How can I help you feel better?” We tried everything and then when it happened again the next night, we realized, well I guess this is just our kid. I knew he was getting enough nutrition, but I still questioned myself.
During those first 2 weeks, you don’t even know what day it is because it is all on repeat. In the beginning of coming home, it seemed like the only way for him to fall asleep was with us. I didn’t want to sleep with him in our bed (although there is something very therapeutic sleeping with a baby), but it came to the point that I wanted to sleep so I would do what I could to get him to sleep. The first couple nights, he slept on one of our chests. Once it was easier for me to get out of bed while holding him, when I knew he was asleep I would put him in the rock n play that we have in our room. He is capable of sleeping in the rock n play now, but some nights it is easier to keep him in bed with us. It is not something I want to make a habit, but again, if we can get sleep in that way, then I am going to do it. It is funny though because during these first 2 weeks I will have phantom dreams where I think I am holding him or nursing him and Matt will wake me up about feeding and I’ll say something like, “I am feeding him he’s right here” and I would open my eyes and look in my arms and wonder where he went (when in reality he was in the rock n play all along).
My biggest thing during the first 2 weeks was wanting to feel better physically. After 3 weeks I finally called the doctor about the pressure I was having in my pelvic floor. The stitches that were supposed to dissolve on their own in 3 weeks had not, so they had taken them out. It was actually a huge step in helping me feel better because I didn’t have the pinching feeling from the stitches anymore and the pressure started to go away.
I am just about to 4 weeks now and it feels like things are starting to feel more routine and like we have a little more of a handle on things. It is still hard, but I am physically feeling better and getting the hang of breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding has been something I have been worried about even before getting pregnant. I have known it is something that is important for the development of a child and I wanted to be able to give my baby the best chance I could. I also knew that a baby will be fine with whatever we decided to do, but I wanted to give breastfeeding a try. The nurses were kind of pushy when it came to trying to get him to latch. I knew that if he wasn’t able to latch right away, he would be just fine because he has plenty of nutrition from the placenta previously, it didn’t need to be rushed.
He was able to latch on one side better than the other. One nurse was trying to force him on the more difficult side and he was not having it. I told her it was OK and he would be fine with time. Babies can sense your frustration too and I think that was part of it. Once the nurse left the room, it was just me and Cade. I was very calm and knew that we both needed to be patient and it would all be OK. I want to say 2 minutes after that woman left the room, he had latched on to that more difficult side. It was nice to know that he would be capable on that side, but I also had faith it would all work out no matter what.
He did well in the hospital latching and I was feeling pretty good about things. My nipples hadn’t gotten sore yet, so I was also feeling physically good at that point too.
Once we got home, my milk came in about 2 days after he was born. The pressure hurts. I believe I had clogged ducts on that “more difficult side” and that also made things a bit more difficult and painful. Once your milk comes in no one really told me I was going to leak like a broken faucet. All of these changes were very overwhelming, especially when you don’t know what is going on and what to do. I felt like I had no clue what was the right thing to do.
Once I started leaking, I realized I needed to be wearing nursing tank tops and put those nursing pads in my shirt to absorb the fluid.
The nipples started to become a lot more sore and the beginning latch became horrific. I literally had to focus on my breathing, bite down and grit my teeth for the beginning latch. The beginning pain would last about 2 minutes and then usually decrease. There were many nights that I was full of tears while nursing. I had also felt guilty because many times I didn't want to feed my baby and I wanted to cut him off as well. It was hard overcoming those feelings. I finally started to pump at times to give myself a break. After pumping, Matt would then give the bottle to Cade. This helped keep me sane so that I could have a break from the pain and I had control over how long I would pump for (rather than having Cade be in charge of the next hour of my life).The night feedings in particular had become the hardest because of being tired and he is fussy and everyone is just less patient. So this not only gave me that break, but also helped to ease some of that frustration with night feedings. I was worried that he will have that “nipple confusion” and not want to breastfeed anymore because the bottle is easier for him. However, it has been working well. Matt does the bottle feeding so he doesn’t confuse me with a bottle. I think he actually prefers breastfeeding too because it comforts him. Sometimes, I think he is just using me as a human pacifier. (as long as it doesn’t hurt, I don’t mind- however, after an hour… I’m about done).
Now that I am into the 3rd and 4th week, I have to say the beginning pain has gone down to less than 30 seconds. Once he is latched on and has a rhythm, it isn’t as bad.There were times I would cry even before he would start nursing because I dreaded the pain so much. It hurts. It hurts bad. So many times people tell women: If it hurts you’re doing it wrong. I call BS! My nipples are fragile, and guess who isn’t gentle--- my 2 week old son, chomping down, twisting all over. The nurses all said at the hospital that he had a good latch and I was doing well. So then how do you explain the pain if you live by the motto: If it hurts you’re doing it wrong. It will just take time for your fragile nipples to get used to it and "toughen up".
Matt has been an amazing support. He knows how much I want to be able to do this for our son, but he also sees my fear, pain, and frustration each time. He is constantly telling me, no matter what I decide to do, he will support it. I have told him that my first goal is to get through the first month. After that month, I am hoping things get better and then I will focus on the next 4 weeks and so on. So often women say their goal is a year or whatnot. That’s all fine and dandy, but I’m setting realistic goals for myself to take it day by day.
Here are some things I have learned that I wish someone had told me:
-There are a lot of different positions to hold your baby in while breastfeeding: Cradle, cross cradle, football hold are the ones I am familiar with. I use cradle on one side and cross cradle on the other. We don’t do well with the football hold. It is really important that you learn what positions will work best for you and your baby and don’t let anyone force you into something that doesn’t feel right. For a little while I was doing cross cradle on both sides and then cradle on both.
-Plan to be nursing for a while at a time. No one ever told me that even if you feed your baby for 10-20 minutes on each side, that doesn’t mean it will only take 20-40 minutes total. The whole process usually takes at least an hour for us (sometimes longer). He will fall asleep while feeding and you have to battle with him to keep him awake, he will fuss, or you have to burp him. There are many variables that make the nursing times last much longer. Ours is also just a boob monster so many times I have to take him off because he is just using me for comfort.
-You have to “break the seal” of the latch when you take him off. Basically take your pinky and pull down on the corner of his mouth to take him off. My little guy is a stinker and as soon as I put my finger there he wakes up and closes that seal even tighter…
-If you get an open sore/cracked nipples, you can use a nipple shield to help give your nipples a break and hopefully help them heal. Baby does not like it as much, but it has worked. The last time I used it, I think it gave me a blister or "bleb" which doesn't feel very good. I learned if you have this- take olive oil and soak it on a cotton ball. Put the cotton ball on your nipple to soften the skin and hopefully it will pop on its' own.
-Use coconut oil or lanolin religiously- I need to be better at this. It helps your sore nipples
-when my milk came in, it hurt. I had to release some of the pressure prior to nursing by pumping because my breasts were so engorged that it was painful and they almost seemed too big for the little guy (the latch hurt worse). Once your body figures out how much milk you need, this does get better, and pretty quickly too. I will get a fuller feeling at times, but it is not the same pressure/pain I had when my milk first came in. I also get this tingling feeling in my nipples when it is getting time to nurse--- super weird.
-Pumping: This is still something I am learning about. I have no idea what cycle or suction I should be on to get the most out. It seems frustrating because the baby is better at getting the milk out than your pump. I also pump different amounts on each side- one side is much less than the other. This is a common thing, and with lots of effort and patience can be altered, but I’ve come to the realization that they are just going to be different.
-They say you should nurse every 2 hours. If you start at 10 and finish at 11, every 2 means you will start again at 12 (only getting an hour break)… I have been nursing every 3 if Cade continues to sleep/let me. Sometimes I push it to 4 (which probably isn’t ideal because he needs to be awake at times, but sometimes you just need that extra time for your own sanity.
-Stay patient- they can sense your feelings. I feel like I was pretty good at staying patient at the beginning. I still am, but I get antsy while he’s nursing that I just want to be done.
So in my opinion, at this point: breastfeeding sucks (literally and figuratively ;). I’m told it gets better, and I sure hope it does. But be prepared that it really isn’t easy. If it is too hard, painful, or frustrating, don’t do it. Your baby will be fine no matter what you decide to do. I think loving your baby is the most important thing you can do anyway. Maybe pumping is your next best option to still provide them with the breastmilk. I truly believe that I wouldn't have had such a negative outlook with the first 2 weeks with a newborn if we had decided to use formula from the beginning. I wouldn't have been in pain, I wouldn't have been so frustrated and I wouldn't have dreaded the constant feedings. I would have had more time really. So if someone wants to use formula from the beginning- no judgement here! I envy the ability to make that choice from the get go.
I have made it the first 3/4 weeks and at the end of week 2 it was just starting to get better, but I still don't like it- I have to say I don't hate it as much as the beginning though. As I said, my goal is to get to the 1 month mark and I am hoping by that point things will be better and I can reevaluate the next goal.
Here are things I do like about breastfeeding:
-I love when his little hand holds my back/side or chest and brushes along my skin
-I love his drunk smiles that he gives me
-I love being close to him
-I love when he looks up at me
-I love the silence I get while he’s nursing ;)
We still smiled because boy we love this kid. Matt and I were able to get out for a date night which was fantastic. Cori dog is also very in love with Cade as well even though he cries a lot.
End of week 3:
I did go see a lactation consultant because things were starting to get less painful and then all of a sudden I started having more burning pain. She gave me a cream remedy to try in case there was bacteria or fungus that was causing it. I got a blister or bleb on my “difficult” side which hurts as well. I have had so much frustration with that side that I have decided for now I will exclusively nurse on my “good” side and pump on the other. I have recently started this and it has been working well. I am able to get more milk from the pump while he nurses at the same time too which is a bonus. This isn’t ideal, but it helps me feel more confident when I nurse because I know I won’t be in as much pain/discomfort and it is just what works for me.
One thing that has amazed me the most is the TONS of support that people offer when you are a new mom. I have had so many people tell me they are here to help, or offer advice or just be here to listen. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. I have been comforted in knowing I am not alone in my experiences and what I am going through is normal. Even if you have an awesome experience your 1st couple weeks being a new mom, or breastfeeding really is magical for you- that is AWESOME and I am completely jealous. However, from the majority of people I have talked to- they have been in a similar situation. The nice thing is someone told me that this time is quickly forgotten. Things do get better- they already have started to for me as well. But the reality is- it’s ok. You’re not alone. You just need to be patient as you and your body figure it all out. Just about to week 4 and I can't really remember the specific pain I had at the beginning.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out in some way and made me feel more normal. I now have the peace of mind that yes, you will question yourself, but know that you don’t have to. Just do what is right for you.
