What I know now, I wish I had known then.
I can happily say that I have started to forget those first miserable 2 weeks and life has started to progress for the better. It seems like those weeks were so long ago. Nursing no longer hurts like it did (it is still a weird sensation in general) and I am much more comfortable nursing in many different places. This blog will discuss the first 6 weeks with a fussy Cade along with getting back into workouts. At the end of the blog I include a list of things I have been doing or learning up until this point as well as items that we have started to use from our registry (this will also be added to the previous post of items we actually use).
MY FUSSY BABY
So I had told Matt the other day that I hate this life. I was having a bad day, which meant so was Cade. I had woken up that morning thinking- I am going to get a bike ride in today. I was determined. Cade was not allowing me to and the selfish athlete I have been all my life was getting very angry and upset. He cried the majority of the day which meant, I too cried a little. At one point I was holding him and tears just rolled down my face- I wasn’t drastically upset, just letting the emotion/frustration show calmly. All of a sudden, Cade stopped crying and he just looked at me. He just stared and I thought it was actually a beautiful moment. I felt like he was showing me himself and the little human he really is.
That afternoon, Matt came home and the plan was that I was going to go enjoy the first open water swim at Three Oaks. I was still mad and frustrated and not liking my life once Matt arrived. I felt like all I do is nurse him and try to keep him from crying. So I got my stuff and after pumping, I left to go to swim.
On my way there I started reflecting. It was essentially rush hour after work and there was a lot of traffic. I started to think, if I was at a job all day like the rest of the world, I would have to wait to work out at this time anyway. Matt has sacrificed so much for me these past 7 weeks to ensure I could keep my own sanity. He is always so willing to drop everything once he comes home to take care of Cade so I can have some time for me. His sacrifice has also meant that he hasn’t gotten in as many workouts as he would like either because he was at work all day. I am so grateful for him and I can’t take that for granted. I realized then and there that I needed to start thinking of taking care of Cade as my job/career during the day and give up my selfish ways. Cade is my boss and I have to give in to being a parent. Once I can get some help from Matthew when he comes home, is when we can rotate our workouts.
So that very next day I turned on a podcast while I was nursing. I listened to the Birthful Podcast Episode 105: Understanding and Calming your Baby - PERFECT! The critical piece I took away from this podcast was that my almost 7 week year old son was in fact a real person. He is a tiny human who needs my interaction. This was a pivotal moment for me. I had been on auto pilot for the first 6 weeks of my son’s life trying to keep him alive. He didn’t react to us and all he did was cry. So often I would look at him and say, “I don’t know what you want…I don’t know how to help you”. I felt like a failure because all I knew to do was change his diaper, feed him, and love him with cuddles and rocking him. So often if we were with other people and he would start getting fussy they would say, “Oh he wants his mama to make him feel better”. This would make me feel even worse at the beginning because everyone believes the mom should be the ultimate soother and I couldn’t make him feel better no matter what I did. He would just keep crying. I had so much guilt and shame and had no clue what I was doing. I was embarrassed.
So then after listening to this podcast, I realized this kid is a real person. I always knew that, but I didn’t know how to interact with him because I felt kind of silly. The podcast suggested just narrating everything you are doing to converse with him and start that relationship. So I did that. I needed to put in the effort to build a relationship with my son, just like any other relationship- it wasn't just going to happen like magic.
The day went on and the night time craziness began when Cade starts to cry and is inconsolable. We give him “10 minute time outs” (more for us) at times to lay in his rock and play and just cry because even in our arms he continues to cry. Once I picked him up he started to calm just slightly and I decided to start singing to him. That small interaction that I hadn’t given him up until this point started to soothe him. FINALLY! Once he was starting to fall asleep in my arms I started to google information about babies becoming over tired. Matt and I had known from the beginning that he would get over tired almost every day. You can hear it in his cry and see it in his face but he would just fight going to sleep.
In one of the articles I read said that babies at Cade’s age shouldn’t be awake for more than 45 minutes at a time (not including nursing)… Uh…what ?! He would stay awake for up to 4 hours at a time… We just thought in the beginning that he was over active and enjoyed stimulation and activity so we just went with it. But this then makes so much sense at how fussy he would get because he was so exhausted and over tired.
As soon as I started to investigate I finally bought the book “Baby wise”. This book had been brought up to us on a few occasions with different people--- Thank you to all of you that suggested it. My one regret is that I didn’t pick up this book sooner! I had spent so much time worrying about pregnancy, labor, PPD, and breastfeeding for 9 months, I didn’t once consider finding a book to help me parent my child. I was naïve and thought I love babies and I’ve “taken care of them” before (babysitting and such). Boy oh boy was I wrong. Anyone out there who is pregnant or hopes to be- READ THIS BOOK. Even if it isn’t your end all be all (you still need to use your own judgement in your decision making) it gives some great tips and I think everyone can take at least one thing away from it.
After I bought the book I began reading it immediately. I do have to say that if I had read it while I was pregnant it wouldn’t have had the exact same meaning to me as it does in this moment. In this moment I was desperate for answers that related to my situation. This book had just that and I soaked it in.
First and foremost I realized that my baby was desperate for a schedule to help him take his much needed naps for his health and happiness. Everyone would tell me previously that babies sleep a lot and I’d have so much free time or could catch up on sleep during the day. When I would hear babies sleep a lot, I assumed it was a normal natural thing they would instinctively do, like nursing. Once Cade wasn’t sleeping, I thought that was him and he enjoyed being active and alert. I have finally learned 7 weeks too late that babies need tons of sleep. With good sleep it helps them with digestion, better eating ability when they are awake, as well as quality alertness during their wakeful times to learn about the world and develop relationships. Cade was not getting that so he was a disaster. We needed to create that routine and environment for him to get the sleep he needed.
We are only on the fourth day of attempting to apply the information I have learned, but I can say it makes so much sense and I have already seen a difference in him. He still cries, but not anything like his cries before and we are able to soothe him where as previously we were not. I am anxious to see how the progress will go after the first week.
To recap controlling the fuss:
Time/patience
SLEEP!- deliberately putting him down for naps ("retraining" him to do this has been tough but worth it!)
Lots of interaction/communication to develop the bond and relationship, just like with other relationships
Your baby is always changing and will have good days and bad days
Those moments I felt like a failure- I wasn't. And for those who start feeling that too- you're not. It takes time to learn your baby and for your baby to learn you. It takes work but once you start to see the bond forming, it is a beautiful thing that makes you fall deeper in love than you already were.
Getting back into workouts
Here are the "workouts" I completed between weeks 4 and 5. During this time, I was creating my own plans that worked for me. This is not to suggest that any postpartum mama can do these workouts 4 weeks postpartum. Always talk to your doctor and see what is best for you. You should also do what feels right to you.
Swim-
Walking came first and then swimming was the first exercise I did. I swam for 30 minutes. The first swim felt strange as I lengthened my body with my awkward new milk filled chest. It didn’t hurt, it just felt weird- like a tightening or pulling sensation. The most different sensation was when I would kick using the kick board and extending both my arms at the same time. I was apprehensive to do flip turns because of my decreased core strength and not knowing how the push off the wall would feel. I was able to do it just fine and continued for the majority of the swim. I knew that I needed to start out slow as my body was working more making milk and I was tired from the lack of sleep so I knew I was going to cut myself off at 30 minutes no matter what.
Each swim after that felt more and more normal. As race season is upon us, there will be a lot more chances for open water swimming coming up. One thing that I have been dreading/scared of is trying on my wet suit and my swim skin. I finally got the courage and I am happy to report that they both fit… very snuggly…but it still is able to zip! I was surprised how snug my wet suit fit around the arms and the neck. I don’t remember it being that tight before but I don’t think my neck has grown ;).
Bike-
I was VERY apprehensive to sit on a bike seat. This was the most intimidating to get back to. I slowly sat on the saddle, making sure to stay upright on the handle bars and back on my sit bones. I wasn’t comfortable, but I think any bicyclist who takes some time off from the saddle will have that uncomfortable first ride back. I did a super easy spin for 20 minutes and then rolled and stretched after.
I slowly introduced arrow during my bikes. There was a really nice day with little wind (and no rain, which seemed like we were getting a ton of lately) and I tried my bike OUTSIDE for the first time in 9 months. My last time on the road was at Steelhead 70.3.
The first time on the road I was nervous of falling over, or not getting my shoes out of my pedals in time before stopping (as a brand new rookie, I had fallen over quite a few times like that…). Once I got started, the saying, “It’s like riding a bicycle” came to mind. It felt freeing. I was able to get comfortable in arrow and pick up my cadence. I only rode around my subdivision a couple times, but just like every other workout- I did NOT want to stop. I guess I am learning more discipline and self control in trying to be smarter with jumping in to all of this to prevent injury.
Run-
I have started off slowly with the run. I mix in walks and runs to make sure I don’t over do it. I am trying to make sure to warm up and cool down after each run (something I have not been good at in the past). I completed 2, 15 minute straight jogs with 5 minutes in between of walking and just in the 7th week I did 3 miles straight jogging (very slow, but yay). The thing I hate most about running is my chest… I have always been a small little lady and man did I take it for granted! Sorry to all you naturally chesty ladies out there- I feel your pain (and I’m not even that big!). It was suggested to me that when I do race in September, I should probably double up because by the end of that long day, it’s going to be painful….
I have started back with my coach which is also exciting. Planning my day with my workouts takes more effort, but I am also more motivated to do them when I get my chance. Right now my goal is to be prepared for the Lake In the Hills Sprint Triathlon. I am actually going to do my first relay with my Dad! I will swim, he will bike and we haven’t decided if we will finish the run together or have Matt do it :) I am really looking forward to this fun experience and to get back in to racing in a laid back way.
In training for a 70.3, I will need to focus on distance, but the goal right now is quality over quantity :)
Things I have learned:
Capture smiling pictures- Take a video and screenshot the image you want (I would only get smiles from Cade in the morning at first. I now know the afternoons he was unhappy because he was so darn tired and the mornings he was well rested. Point made he needs more sleep :)
-The first 6 weeks were auto pilot- I feel like just now it has all started to feel real. I fall more in love with my son each and every day.
-I thought I’d be more tired throughout the day during the first 6 weeks. Yes, I was tired, but it is amazing how your body is able to adjust and do what you need to do. Now that we have hit the 7 week mark I think it is starting to catch up with me. It’s almost like a slap happy, out of it kind of feeling at this point.
-I have a pretty good stash of breast milk in our freezer already. Over 150 ounces that I am proud of.
*Tip- if you are freezing and storing breast milk, sometimes the bags can leak- make sure to thaw them in another bag or a cup to catch the milk so you don’t cry over spilled milk ;)
-Oils/lanolin to help sore nipples stain your bra/shirt- get Black nursing bras and tanks (my gray ones look silly now)
-I got my favorite nursing bras from Walmart- $3 each!
-A friend’s advice: Babies can’t roll off the floor- if you need a break set them down. I usually put him on the bathroom floor (on his blanket) while I wash my hands
-Breastmilk storage guidelines
-Bottles- we registered for 9 ounce bottles because we assumed we would need them. At this point I have figured out that breast milk fed babies typically don’t need more than 4-5 ounces at a time. I think eventually we may use them, however, we use our 5 ounce bottles ALL the time and I would suggest getting what you really need first and then if you need the bigger ones later then spend the money.
-Always have water with you while nursing. I get super thirsty
-Breastfeeding support group- I went to a breastfeeding support group that is free at my hospital. I was able to weigh Cade, nurse him, and weigh him again to see how much he actually consumed. It was so nice and reassuring having that information that he indeed is getting enough. It was also nice talking with the other moms and lactation consultant
-When washing his teeny tiny socks- I put them in a laundry mesh bag to keep them together. You can keep the mesh bag by the dirty clothes basket before washing.
-You need to take care of YOU first before being able to take care of the infant to the best of your ability-- this one is becoming harder. It is even tough to get my food made throughout the day and eat properly. I need to do a better job of this. (when I have the chance while he is sleeping, sometimes I pre-make my lunch because I don't know if I will get another chance).
-We are late for everything and usually don't stay long but we have made a good effort to keep living and get out of the house.
Some things to add to the list that we have been using lately-
YI Dome 1080p is our baby monitor. (I am also borrowing just a sound one from a friend). This monitor is a wifi video monitor with a phone app. It works really well and it wasn’t that expensive! It gives alerts when he is crying or if there is movement so your phone doesn’t have to stay on. At night we like to be able to hear him, so we either keep it on an ipad all night, or we will use the regular baby monitor.
The picture quality is great:
Ergobaby carrying pack- Cade normally doesn’t like it right now, but he ends up falling asleep while he’s in it. It frees your hands so you CAN make your meals! ;)
Mobiles- he LOVES looking at them
We have started to use bouncers to sit him in during his "awake/play time" while we do other things.
My nursing cover/ car seat cover
Door knob cover- My sister gave us this cover for the latch so that it stays quiet when we open and close it- only thing is it doesn’t keep Cori from going in there while he’s napping:
My goal in all of this is to let people know you're not alone in the hard parts of a newborn and parenthood. I also hope people can take away something helpful for themselves. And lastly, I hope to inspire moms to keep you in tact- for me that is training and working out. If you aren't the best version of you, you can't provide that to your child either.
When I end a blog, I always feel like there is so much left unsaid, but with this brain that is lacking sleep, I can never remember. So until next time :)
